Burning Copyrights

I was summoned this week to Y’s kindergarten for an emergency meeting with the kindergarten teacher. Without any unnecessary pleasantries she addresses me in a severe tone: “I requested you to come here urgently because of your son’s problematic behavior. All the children were requested to burn a favorite song on a disc and bring it to kindergarten, so that we can prepare our compilation of hits. All the kids were very happy and worked quickly with their parents. Only one child, your son, came and told us a strange story - in his house you are not allowed to burn, out of reverence to the copyright laws“.
“That is my boy” I say proudly.
“I do not understand what is so funny. I have to let you know that we will approach the town’s social workers services. Such damage to a young boy’s tender soul will not be taken lightly”.

Reprimanded and thoroughly ashamed I call the family together that evening for an ideological discussion. I report the incident while emphasizing the subject of copyright laws and minimizing the possible harm to Y’s tender soul. The subject of the discussion himself is sitting and savagely fighting Ninja warriors on his Game Boy device, totally ignoring the immensity of the moment.

His elder brother L., nearly 15, listens silently to my dramatic descriptions and when I pause at the end of a sweeping speech in order to receive the support of my family members, he finishes his fourth sandwich and asks quietly: “Tell me Dad, have you already received a reply from Microsoft?”

Silence around the table. I recognize a smile of malicious joy, well hidden on the wife’s face. S. and O., sister and brother of Y. and L., look at each other and are not ashamed to burst out laughing. That is the way my dear family demonstrates their attitude to the e-mail I sent to the representatives of the Redmond software giant approximately one year ago:

“Dear Sirs, I approach you with a request to consider giving me a discounted price for five Office packages for the computers of my dear family. We abide by the copyright laws and therefore wish to purchase licenses legally. Will you please consider a fair price for our honest family?”

I never have received a reply. I heard that in Microsoft’s service department several employees have suffered from shock. When my e-mail was forwarded for additional investigation it caused system confusion. Experts explained to me that Microsoft Israel does not have a business process for handling those who wish, really insist, on purchasing software for home use. There is a good chance that my e-mail will be included as one of the funnier items in the next season of Israel’s most popular sitcom. And, lacking any response from the giants of Redmond, I took a second mortgage, and at the expense of my children’s inheritance, purchased legal Office licenses for use on our various computers.

“Laugh all you wish”, I reprimand my rebellious family, “but in our family we do not steal. Period, full stop. What shall we tell your grandparents? That we have a new generation of Zionist thieves?” In our house we have a lot of respect for the founding generation and so everyone becomes serious and supportive. Now I get looks of encouragement from wall to wall. The Kindergarten teacher can go to social services, but we will stand by our principles. We are a proud law abiding family.

At night, “after the children”, I open my e-mail. Amongst scores of fascinating suggestions for investment in innovative companies, I identify an e-mail from my very own father. “Dear son, congratulations on your last column. The subject itself was boring, but you demonstrate good language skills and you did not make too many grammar mistakes”, thus he begins, and continues, “Son, your mother and I are in the midst of organizing an independence-day party, where we will entertain, as is our custom, the founders of the state and many of those whom thanks to them you are here. This year we are planning on a lively Karaoke evening, therefore I am asking you to burn on DVD all of your magnificent Karaoke collection. I know there are technical difficulties involved in such copying, but I am counting on you to find solutions. Please remember the importance of the subject for us, the founding generation”.

“Dear father”, I reply immediately, “Always at your service. Eighty burned disks will await you here. In addition, please remind me to teach you sometime soon how to use eMule and BitTorrent. I think the time has come for this”.
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(Published by "Globes" - 6 April 2008)